Perceived by the Denied—
Whose Will—a numb significance—
The Day the Heaven died—
And all the Earth strove common round—
Without Delight, or Beam—
What Comfort was it Wisdom—was—
The spoiler of Our Home?
-Fr826, J965, Fascicle 40, 1864
Let’s start with the ending of this poem and work backward. “The spoiler of Our Home” is a stomach-churning phrase. If Home has infinite power, as Dickinson has written elsewhere, then there is a real horror in spoiling it. Most of us can feel this at some level, though some of us may relate more than others. There are few things worse than having your home spoiled. It feels like "Heaven died."
And all the Earth strove common round
Without Delight, or Beam—
The home has been spoiled. There is no more delight, nor heavenly beam of light. There is only a common earthly striving.
The stakes in this poem are high then. So naturally, we want to know, what is it that happened that “spoiled” the poet’s home? So we go back to the beginning of the poem and find out that the only “fact perceived" is the beloved’s denial of the narrator.
What is the Beloved's reason for the denial? Maybe there’s a very good reason? But, since this reason isn't given to us, the sense that I get here is that those other facts are irrelevant. There is no reason good enough to spoil a home. The only one that matters is what leads to -what Dickinson called in an earlier poem in this fascicle- “the finallest occasion.” It has spoiled the home. Whatever other “facts” there may be pale in comparison to this one.
The poet doesn’t give us the beloved’s purported reason for the denial because it is not pertinent to the overriding fact of the denial itself.
What Comfort was it Wisdom—was—
Whatever "Comfort” there may be in the reason for the denial couldn't possibly make up for the ultimate comfort of the home before it was spoiled. And it would be even more asinine to call reasons for denial “wise,” because what wisdom could there possibly be behind the spoiling of a home?
Think about the spoiled homes you know about and how the spoiler always has some “justification” for their actions. This poem is asking, how can you ever justify breaking up a home? The poem is asking the reader to stop and really think about those possible justifications for ending a relationship.
The poet doesn’t give us the beloved’s purported reason for the denial because it is not pertinent to the overriding fact of the denial itself.
What Comfort was it Wisdom—was—
The spoiler of Our Home?
Whatever "Comfort” there may be in the reason for the denial couldn't possibly make up for the ultimate comfort of the home before it was spoiled. And it would be even more asinine to call reasons for denial “wise,” because what wisdom could there possibly be behind the spoiling of a home?
Think about the spoiled homes you know about and how the spoiler always has some “justification” for their actions. This poem is asking, how can you ever justify breaking up a home? The poem is asking the reader to stop and really think about those possible justifications for ending a relationship.
I think it might be useful to read this poem in light of the homeless problem, and the immigrant problem too. What does it mean to deny someone a home? What possible reason could be good enough?
2. Silence as Peacekeeping. The Denial: not speaking about painful truths, like infidelity, illness or resentment, because it might “upset things.” The possible "Wisdom" here is that it is better not to stir things up. Some things are best left unsaid. The Cost of this “wisdom” is lack of authenticity and emotional disconnection. It’s a household built on pretense instead of truth.
3. Staying in a Broken Situation Out of Duty. The Denial: Pretending the relationship or family is okay for the sake of children, image or tradition. The "Wisdom": "This is what commitment means. You don’t give up. You endure." The Cost: Emotional decay. Quiet suffering. “Home” becomes a place of tension, not comfort.
-/)dam Wade l)eGraff
P.S. Can this poem be read against itself? I wonder about that word "Will" in the first stanza,
Whose Will—a numb significance—
The Day the Heaven died—
Whose Will—a numb significance—
The Day the Heaven died—
I can’t help but think of the phrase, "Not my will, but Thy will be done." Is it the “will” that got in the way in the first place and caused the beloved's denial? In Fr818, Dickinson writes,
Other Betrothal shall dissolve —
Wedlock of Will, decay —
A Wedlock that we have willed our self decays. The Will can be a problem.
But I also think that Dickinson may merely mean here that since the break up of the home, she lacks the will to even get out of bed.
Other Betrothal shall dissolve —
Wedlock of Will, decay —
A Wedlock that we have willed our self decays. The Will can be a problem.
But I also think that Dickinson may merely mean here that since the break up of the home, she lacks the will to even get out of bed.
P.P.S.
What about those other "facts," the unperceived ones? Maybe they do matter? If this is a poem to Sue, and I suspect it is, then Sue's reason for denying Emily may have seemed quite reasonable. After all, Sue was married to Emily's brother. It was a very complicated relationship.
What about those other "facts," the unperceived ones? Maybe they do matter? If this is a poem to Sue, and I suspect it is, then Sue's reason for denying Emily may have seemed quite reasonable. After all, Sue was married to Emily's brother. It was a very complicated relationship.
P.P.P.S.
I just asked ChatGPT for some possible reasons for the "denial" in this poem. I don't think most of these reasons are relevant, but they were so thought-provoking that I wanted to include the list here anyway. Maybe one of them will resonate with your situation.
1. Emotional Detachment as "Maturity.” The denial: Avoiding emotional vulnerability, staying composed and rational. The wisdom: "Keep things under control and don’t burden others." The Cost: Emotional numbness. The relationship dies from lack of shared feeling. The "home" becomes cold.
2. Silence as Peacekeeping. The Denial: not speaking about painful truths, like infidelity, illness or resentment, because it might “upset things.” The possible "Wisdom" here is that it is better not to stir things up. Some things are best left unsaid. The Cost of this “wisdom” is lack of authenticity and emotional disconnection. It’s a household built on pretense instead of truth.
4. Career or Logic Over Intimacy. The Denial: Prioritizing work, reason, or ambition over emotional connection.The "Wisdom": "This is for the greater good. Providing is love. Feelings can wait." The Cost: Estrangement. Regret. Realizing too late that home wasn't just a roof—it was a relationship.
5. Denial of Grief or Death. The Denial: Refusing to face a loved one’s death or terminal illness. The "Wisdom": "Be strong. Don't dwell. Move on." The Cost: Unprocessed grief. A sense that the “home” (in the emotional/spiritual sense) was abandoned rather than honored.
6. Denial of Identity. The Denial: Suppressing one's true self (or forcing someone else to) in the name of family, faith, or tradition. The "Wisdom": "This is how things are. You'll thank me later. It's for your own good." The Cost: Alienation. Loss of home as a place of belonging. Deep internal wounds.
5. Denial of Grief or Death. The Denial: Refusing to face a loved one’s death or terminal illness. The "Wisdom": "Be strong. Don't dwell. Move on." The Cost: Unprocessed grief. A sense that the “home” (in the emotional/spiritual sense) was abandoned rather than honored.
6. Denial of Identity. The Denial: Suppressing one's true self (or forcing someone else to) in the name of family, faith, or tradition. The "Wisdom": "This is how things are. You'll thank me later. It's for your own good." The Cost: Alienation. Loss of home as a place of belonging. Deep internal wounds.
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